I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
