fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
