I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
