im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did i walk over a car last night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
