Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
