she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
