So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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