So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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