Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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