theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
