he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
