I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
