So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
