They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize