Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
