Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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