God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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