I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
