Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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