i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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