Don't you send me to vm
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
