East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
