we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
