i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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