It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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