My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
