Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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