i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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