Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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