He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
