I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there's paper in my vomit.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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