i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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