EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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