ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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