hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
