How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
