She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
