i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
