dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
