whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
