making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
