I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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