You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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