Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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