The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
