you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
