i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize