small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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