I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
