I think my vagina is haunted
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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