a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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