everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
