the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize