Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Who wears a wallet chain?!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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