there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
