drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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