my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
