Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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