Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
