Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
