my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize