I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
