Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
