My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You're earring is so big in my mouth
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
