So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
